Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The Mirror

A question with infinitely possible answers, infinitely possible interpretations recently confounded the readers of my Question Series; Define Friendship. As simplistic that sounds, given a thought, many came to realize how much this word entails and truly displays your adaption of a relationship. Yes, as a few pointed out, friendship is a relationship. In my view, however, your expectations of a friend define the sense of relationship you end up developing with someone.

May it be family, the special someone, childhood inseparable attached to the hip buddy or someone you met today, you portray various degrees of attachment. I feel your top friends amongst these are the ones who take you for granted the most. A selfless outlook allows you to judge these relationships based off your contribution rather than theirs. Of course, not all of them will reciprocate with the same kindness, but will also end up losing one of their true friends.

You must be wondering about the title, The Mirror. It was the first thing that came to my mind, when answering the question. Something slightly different from any answer I was given on the series. The unspoken punishing judgmental anxiety of oneself, the discomfort at being deceitful that can only be triggered by looking into a true friend’s eyes, one no mirror can ever replicate, is the honest test of a friend of the highest degree. Unfortunately, for many, that may not lay in your parents, that may not even lay in that special someone, but perhaps an unbiased unattached stranger who you have come to know in recent time and yet are unable to lie to. Only such a friend is your mirror. He/she is everything right you look for in yourself.

I thank everyone who responded to this particular question. Its purpose wasn’t just to inspire this blog entry, but to allow you to reflect back on those who entered your life to never leave; Who left their mark by helping you in your tough times, rescuing you from a flat tire an hour away from home, by making you laugh, offering you the shoulder to cry on, by letting you be stupid, letting you be yourself and most importantly, by being your mirror.

As a response to a direct request from a very special friend, I’d like to incorporate another minor facet of what friendship has to offer. I was asked, what does one do to find the special someone? If you have dated multiple people, if you have felt love with more than one person, how do you judge anymore to find the one that will last a lifetime? After giving it some thought, I couldn’t imagine any other entry more apt to answer this question. Dearest anon, instead of trying to find love, why not try to look for this friend? I feel if you can reach such a comfort level, that surpasses one with anybody else in the World, then love is simply waiting to infuse.

I offer my humble appreciation to anyone who has chosen to read this entry. I miss you my dear friends. Please feel free to respond with your definition of friendship, comments, rebuttals or simply saying hello. If there was/were a few friend(s) that came to mind while reading this entry, they deserve to know that they were thought of. Do send them an email of admiration.

प्यार भरा शुक्रिया,
Love, Mo


  1. If Friendship be the food for Love , then play on !


  2. Dearest Anon,

    I skipped a heart beat when I read this. There is no way to be certain that its you, probably not. One way or another, the quote has a history in my life and brought some very special memories to mind.

    I thank you.

    Love, Mo
    ~Play on!

  3. Hare Krsna Mo! hahahahah - I love you dude! I'm so glad I met you. You write awesomely-est. haha. Couple things came to mind after reading your entry:

    1.) This concept of a "mirror". I can see where you're coming from, and not saying I completely disagree with your statement (and maybe I'm making more of a semantics and grammar comment versus content comment), nevertheless, you asked for feedback and here it is on: "everything right you look for in yourself"

    In response to love: two halves don't make a whole, right? So why does that not apply to friendship? Again, this is probably not what you meant at all, (I just like picking fights ^_^). A person should be complete, should feel complete before engaging in any other relationship with any other person on any other level. This definition of "complete" is up to the person, but looking for what one lacks in another person to fulfill themselves seems for lack of better words, lame. Friends ARE there for support, comfort, and all the good stuff, etc. but I think one needs to make peace with themselves first before heading into any relationship. Who knows, maybe that's why they have friends - to have them help them find that peace. Kind of a catch 22, isn't it? Which reminds me, I need to read that book. Anyway, that definition of peace varies with each person as well. For some, it may mean confidence, commitment, ambitious, drive, motivation, finding that little god inside of them.

    Then you have the concept of different "love languages" as well. Some people are easy to figure out, others - not so much. People communicate in all sorts of ways and to find somebody compatible (both in your friendship and love relationship examples) those two people need to share a common love language (if they are to continue the relationship). In other words, maybe having someone listen and agree with me is not as important as someone telling me bluntly the truth and my flaws. Or, maybe for some people reading and posting on their blogs means a lot to them. Or sending a nice random text message at 2 a.m. saying how much they rock makes them feel connected to that person more so than buying them lunch. See what I'm saying? ...which is not really anything... more so rambling :) But people have different wave lengths they communicate on. If two people find that wavelength that's compatible for both of them...or learn to find it... and have a A-okay in every other category ...then bada bing! some form of relationship. It's 1:20 p.m. and I just ate soooo much food because it's my first night home, and that's what I do: I had 4 bowls of soup, fish, rice, veggies x3 (yes.. that means 3 servings of each) and then 2 choc. chip cookies afterwards....ugh.. I kinda feel sick.. but you know what the cure is!!! More Indian food!!!!!!!! anyways - I hope you enjoy reading my comment Mo, lol... I know you will ;)

    <3 Kaysian! :)

  4. Hare Krsna Dear Kay,

    Thank you for the beautiful insight... I like it how you start bullet pointing but that simply stops at 1. :P

    I completely agree that the concept of multiple halves to complete the happiness pie can be applied to friendship. However, the phrase catch-22 usually speaks of a 'no-win situation'. Whether, one makes peace with themselves or relies on their friends to complete the peace picture, I feel its simply a 'no-loss situation' :). That's the best thing about friends, they allow you to be yourself, and peace simply follows.

    I like it how you relate communication as a form of 'Love Language'. I'd like to appreciate how you have adapted many wavelengths of this language and are able to develop relationships with individuals as different as the cultures you have experienced. I admire this ability and am adapting it as my own :)

    Indian food will be waiting for you, anytime you visit. Hope to meet you in India sometime.

    <3 \m/

  5. Heylo there..

    I agree with Kaysian.. languages goes out of the window!

    Let love or friendship simply be their ownself.. why complicate it..

    Let it only n only stand for understanding which should not be taken for granted..
    a simple lending ear for which you wouldnt be judged..
    a presence that makes you smile..
    and the silence that lets you calm..

    Mo, you sound harsh when you say Mirror, coz if you arent perfect, why expect more than perfect from the other!

    Understand oneself before analysing the rest!


  6. Thanks for the comment, Shicku is it?

    Dearest shicku,

    I didn't mean to be harsh by expecting something perfect from a friend... Partially being a friend also means accepting them for their short comings as they are.

    I guess I stand corrected, where He/she aren't EVERYTHING wrong in you... But am sure a few such friends combined can paint a pretty complete picture of your own expectations from self.

    It is never an intent to analyze anybody, nor would that friend ever need to do so... its simply understanding self through the means of these few precious ones in your life... For me, they have very well served as my mirrors...

    But yea, you'd have to know me to get my drift I guess... Which reminds me, do you? :)

  7. Heylo again,

    I am still figuring out.. $h€€k is best!

    I dont know you, dont want to befriend anyone.. just blogging is fun and specialy wen ideas coincide or run parallel!

    $h€€k (now final) :)

  8. Fair Enough Sheek... Thanks for the comments again... Is there a blog where I can check out these parallel ideas? :)...

    I welcome you to continue responding and expanding my horizons of the personally experienced limited sources of ideas.

    Happy Blogging,
    Love, Mo

  9. "I feel your top friends amongst these are the ones who take you for granted the most. "
    i seem to be repetitively doing this - picking up my favourite lines and posting it as my comment when it is not so much my comment, but yours :)
    but whatever
    probably it indirectly says - i have truly, closely read ur article and this line jumped out at me the most and im glad that u r the one who wrote the jumpy line :)